By Dana Heriot

Early career worker, Dominica, was delighted today at the onset of concerns for her mental health. As a young professional, the expectation of failing mental health had been hovering over her head for some time.

“I’m just so excited to see the decline start,” she quivered over her fourth cup of coffee for the day, which was allegedly unrelated, “All my colleagues and friends have various anxiety, depression and sleep related disorders. I almost gave up thinking it would happen for me!”

The slightly wide-eyed professional described that earlier that day she had been reamed by her supervisor over small errors in draft document so hard she was surprised she wasn’t fired.

“I finally feel like I’m taking things seriously, now that I’m getting heart palpitations when my phone rings.” she volunteered, twisting the remnants of a receipt into a pulp on the table.

Dominica was not a high GPA achiever, but has surprised herself at the sheer amount of imposter syndrome and self-criticism she has been able to conjure in just one week.

“I don’t have a diagnosis yet, but I’m hoping that crying myself to sleep tonight will put me on track.”

Gulping down progressively larger lungfuls of air, Dominica watched her phone ding several times with work email notifications.

“Maybe one day I’ll make partner as a divorcee too!” she whispers fifteen minutes later in the ladies room with a brown paper bag.