By Jaike Salmon

Young Peter Donaldson had always seen himself as a bit of a loner, but pushed himself to go to a party his mate Aaron was throwing.

After he’d made some small talk, had a bit of a boogie, and the cob loaf had been eaten, Pete’s social battery was soon drained.

Pete didn’t want to bail on his mate’s party as early as 7.30pm, because he knew Aaron’d rip on him with such retorts as “Dude, the Sun’d been down five minutes and you were gone!” and “My Grandma would’ve stayed longer than you did, and she’s dead! Rest her soul.”

He began thinking of things he could do to pass the time until it was a socially acceptable to smoke bomb. Things like getting another drink, taking his keys out of the bowl by the door, and eating the rest of the cold party pies came to mind.

But in a stroke of genius, and utter predictability, young Pete remembered Aaron has a cat! He searched high and low for what seemed like 2 minutes before he found his friend’s 23 year old pedigree Sphinx cat called Baldy. It wasn’t the prettiest of cats, he thought to himself, but it would do.

Pete sighed in relief and sat down on Aaron’s couch next to Baldy, glad he’d found a way to pass the time.

However, no more than 10 seconds into petting the mass of skin did Baldy show his true colours. With one swift swipe of a hairless paw, Pete realised this wasn’t the party for him and he left.

…

I won’t bother pretending Pete isn’t me and that Baldy isn’t my own cat (who’s not bald) that has just bitten me.