By Christian Coulthard

A law firm can be a scary place. Between meeting billable hours targets, deadlines and the odd bit of micro-management, the anxiety can get pretty high.

A trip to male bathroom then – for those who already don’t feel too comfortable whipping their genitalia out in a small tiled room filled with other men – can understandably lead to some disastrous results.

Earlier today, a young lawyer, Harry, was getting ready to ice the urinal cake with what was his morning coffee when an equity partner sauntered in through the door. Ignoring Harry’s nervous and weird nod of acknowledgement, the partner headed straight for the johns. With a sigh of relief, Harry turned back to his business- only to be startled by the sudden sound of a 12 guage shotgun being fired in the cubicles.

Fearing the worst, Harry started to reach for his phone to call triple 000 when he realised he’d heard about 16 or so water plops after the blast. As the pungent smell of the 7-figure partner’s insides hit his nose, Harry turned for the door before hearing the partner call out for him…

“Harry. Have you finished that letter to ASIC yet?”

“Uh… still working on it John…” Harry said, holding back vomit.

“Have it done before 2pm please” the partner replied, before firing off an even bigger stinky blast into the porcelain throne.

Eyes watering with shame, stink and tears, Harry ran out of the bathroom and straight to his computer to fulfil his corporate drone duties and try to forget what had just happened. The partners offer to play battleships was declined, Harry’s future at the firm is now uncertain

A GSJ reporter was sent to inspect the scene- however, the bathroom is currently closed due to biological hazard contamination.