By Jaike Salmon

With the rising of the sun on Monday 18 July came the stress of many a fifth year double degree law student and third year dunce single degree law students. But for one ignorant law/business aficionado, the concept of the clerkship process was something with which he was unacquainted.

After several seemingly obscure group chat messages from his mates, that came and went between the morning of the 18th of July and the 12th of August, poor Samuel Nojoblinedup (22) finally addressed the problem on Friday the 12th: “Why’ve you guys been talking about boats so bloody much??” to the reception of several ‘😂’ reacts.

With his apparently hilarious question unanswered, an oblivious Sam rephrased the query: “Nah, but seriously, what’re you on about? Who’s Clerk and why’re you so interested in his ships??”

The groupchat fell silent as Sam’s friends began cottoning on to the fact that he might actually be completely ignorant to the process that’d been stressing them out since their third year of law and for which applications were closing that day.

Sam’s mates began messaging each other outside of the chat in a panic: “I don’t think he’s pulling our leg here guys, he’s bloody serious.” one friend said. “He’s so buggered! We’ve gotta tell him, the idiot.” said another.

One friend finally piped up and addressed the ill-informed elephant in the room: “Bruh, you’re joking, right? There’s no ship owned by Clerk, we’re talking about clerkships. Like internships, but for law. Applications close tonight as well!”

“Huh? They do those for law?! How weird that no one’s ever told me about them??” Sam, quite confused, said. “At least they don’t sound like they actually set you up for a job or anything.” he said, eliciting several faces palmed and dropped jaws.

“Fuar mate. Clerkships are a pretty big deal. But, you’re probably fine though. You said a while back that you didn’t want to go into Commercial Law anyway, hey?” Sam’s friend Jack said in an attempt to comfort Sam.

“Nah, that was Johno. I’ve always wanted to do M&A stuff at a Big 6+2 firm, there’s literally nothing else I’ve ever wanted to do!” opined the man having essentially made himself colourblind after dreaming of being a fighter pilot his whole life.

“We’ll, you can still get a few apps in if you have a crack. Some’re better than none!” Jack said. “Nah, I’ve got a big night planned at Friday’s with some blokes from work! Might give ‘em a miss.” Sam responded, rendering everyone speechless and hammering the last nail into his own coffin.

His mates messaged each other again and came to the consensus that Sam was a lost cause and that the only clerk-ship Sam would be getting was one headed up shit creek without a paddle.