By Christian Coulthard

THIS JURIS AIN’T PRUDENT

In an exclusive interview, local QUT mooter Annaliese Fleating voiced her concerns to the GSJ that her ‘Hot Girl Summer’ dreams were looking pretty unattainable after making it onto the ICC team.

After her 3-year ‘QUTLS power couple’ relationship ended in a dramatic and fiery fashion in September (after a heated argument in The Criterion upon Annaliese’s discovery that her boyfriend, Warner Chudlington, would not continue to love her if she was a giant earthworm), Annaliese was preparing herself for a saucy ‘Hot Girl Summer’ that she could only previously dream of.

According to user ‘ItsJaidabitch’ in the Urban Dictionary (NB: the AGLC4 is silent on how to correctly cite such a reference), ‘A Hot girl summer is the summer where girls take over and express their inner hoe. Hot girls no longer care for the male gender and are no longer living by social constructs. The hot girl gang sign is made by twerking.’ Annaliese explained that she’d been ready to embrace the HGS lifestyle with gusto before her recent foray into international mooting.

“I’d already secured a clerkship at Shitterson & Leeches, my GPA is a 6.4 and I hooked up with one of Warner’s mates in the photo booth at Law Dinner’ she related. “Things were off to a flying start.”

“Then I heard about Kris absolutely bombing his graduate applications and I freaked out and applied for ICC. Now I’m going to have to go straight to the Lawbry after finishing up at Shittersons at 7pm every summer weekday, and Mark Thomas won’t stop texting me about ‘The State of Giskar’ and The Republic of Regale’”

“How am I supposed to have a Hot Girl Summer when I don’t even have the time to go outside anymore?” she lamented.

It seems that with Warner off to Europe for a post-Pandemic contiki tour, Annaliese has come off with the short-end of the rebound stick.

“I’ll be honest with you— the dick drought is real and times are getting pretty desperate. The other night after 13 straight hours of research I rubbed one out to a Lord Denning erotica fan fiction someone wrote for Torts Illustrated three years ago. I can’t tell if I’ve developed a judge fetish or if this whole experience somehow falls within the realm of sadomasochism.”

“We won’t be going to The Hague for oral rounds until June next year. If COVID somehow destroys the airline industry again, at least I’ll have enough practice to paddle the pink canoe to the Netherlands.”

Our reporter told us that Annaliese proceeded to make a pass at him, but after a quick look at her haunted, tired, racoon-like eyes and pasty milk-white indoors-tan, combined with his deep fear of earthworms, he gently rebuked her advances. To this, Annaliese reportedly sighed deeply and picked up her well-worn copy of Torts Illustrated 2019 Issue 2: I Object.