By Tom LL Cockburn

When a uni student lies upon their unkempt bed (the only certain comfort they have in their often fluctuating and deflating life) they may think upon and dread a few things. For one student it may be that nasty pending assignment they have that is creeping up on them like a ‘stabby’ Mike Myers (not Austin Powers, the other one, the spooky one). For others it may be those unread textbook chapters that haunt them like Casper the Friendly Ghost (minus the friendly part). Maybe it is just simple existential dread and the weird knowledge that we are all skin puppets controlled by a wet and saggy computer in our heads that we have proudly dubbed as a ‘brain’.

Unlike the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz though, we have brains, and these brains inform us that these aforementioned fears are only temporary and ultimately can’t harm us. Brain as floppy and calculating as they are, are uncapable of grasping with terrors and threats which we may deem as harmless.

With the conclusion of this narrative metaphorical word foreplay, this boat has reached the shores of addressing the subject line and finally having a point. Sensitive readers may seek to abandon this article now before they are forced to face a terror for which they may have otherwise been able to live in blissful ignorance of.

Tired university students are not an uncommon phenomenon. Neither is the requirement that you brush your teeth (unless you want stinky breath and bad teeth, at least if you believe in big dentists). This combo however is an underrated threat which poses a real danger to the lives of students.

One unlucky university student learnt this lesson firsthand and lived to tell the tale. This student entered into their bathroom, dazed, confused and requiring that their teeth be brushed. A moment of brilliance shun upon them, like a child using a beam of light from a magnifying glass to burn an ant colony.

The student realized that it would simply be more efficient to lie down in their comfty bed to rest their aching body and at the same time brush their teeth and then simply returning the tooth brush to its natural resting area. Like receiving an email from a university course coordinator informing a student that they are suspected of plagiarism for stealing xxUniLover69xx’s assignment from StuDocu, this student was in for a bad time. In their attempted efficiency, this student ultimately fell asleep with a mouthful of toothpaste and electric Colgate toothbrush still in mouth.

This cautionary tale could happen to any sleepy professional in their strive for true efficiency. A lesson can be taken away from this. When humans try to progress to fast, they may face dire consequences.

These consequences being in the form of dried toothpaste on the side of their mouth which provides great discomfort and a gloopy mess of toothpaste which now laid upon their bed sheets. The feeling of toothpaste related shame is not one felt by many but is real and truly saddening. Please do not allow this to happen to you. Be safe out there.