by Christian Coulthard

Valentines day (a useless holiday manufactued by Hallmark for people who actually believe in love) has finally come around to show its cutesy pock-riddled face again. A beautiful summer storm has not been enough to stop the dating plans of Brisbane couples and couples-to-be, with hundreds of reports coming in of Brisbanites hurriedly re-financing their homes in order to pay the exorbinant price of a last-minute bouquet of roses.

Love is no stranger to the law school, but in the realms of international mooting it’s often quite absent. Like sex, being on an international mooting team can be sweaty, uncomfortable, and can often lead to a dissapointing climax. The starkest contrast lies in that there is a noticeable lack of romance— how can you have time for any of that when you’ve assigned yourself to be chained to the law library for the whole summer break?

Feeling sorry for a certain mooting team, the lovely law librarians put on a nice candlelit dinner this evening.

“I haven’t seen them leave in months and all they eat and drink is mi-goreng and monster energy zero ultras” said one of the Librarians to the GSJ.

“We know if they’re choosing to do this to themselves, they must not have romantic partners. We thought we’d do something nice to try and get them to retain some semblance of humanity. Oh lord what a mistake that was”

By all reports, the candlelit dinner was received warmly at first. The team walked in and quickly scavenged up the cheese platter, including the kraft singles. By the time they’d moved onto the wine, the librarians quickly realised the mistake of providing 4 nutritionally-deficient, dehydrated, sleep-deprived and lonely law students with alcohol.

We’re not sure what happened next, but reports have come in citing someone using a candle to set the Handbook of ICC Arbitration on fire, a punch-up over a disagreement about some article of the Rome statute and the refurbishment of one of the moot courts into some kind of makeshift goblin cave.

“The library is still open, but we will have to get the bio-hazard guys in here before semester starts up again” said the librarian, while going to town with a fire extinguisher on a pile of international law textbooks which were still ablaze.

Happy valentines day ❤