by Christian Coulthard

A QUT law student has failed to impress a professional juggler after a bit of on the spot networking in Queen St Mall today.

Jiggles, a 29-year-old professional circus performer, has told the GSJ that he was cold approached by the law student around noon today, who had stopped by to watch while chowing down on a Guzman bowl.

“Yeah it was unreal boys. He came up to me and told me my juggling was unimpressive. He told me he was currently juggling 5 subjects, an internal and external moot, a full-time law clerk role, something about a ‘law society officer’ and apparently still has the time to learn mandarin and play some social footy on the weekends”

“I mean maybe I might have been impressed,” he continues (while tossing knives in the air above our reporters’ sweaty head), “but he then has the audacity to show me his LinkedIn like the yuppies in American Psycho pulling out their business cards. What a load of shit”

“Warner Chudlington, here’s a lesson that I can teach you,” he sobs. “The one thing you never juggle is your priorities. That’s what ended my marriage.”

After a bit of investigative journalism on our behalf, we found out that Warner had since dropped down to 2 subjects, left his senior counsel to hang out to dry, has failed to turn up to work for an entire week and hasn’t been seen speaking chinese, on the touch field or in the law society office for a good long while.

We came to the conclusion that- rather like this editor’s posting schedule- Warner has actually been dropping the ball a bit.

Nothing more to come.