by Christian Coulthard

We’re a good way into the semester now and the assessment goblins are kicking us all hard up the arses. With class attendance dropping, library attendance skyrocketing, and the GSJ reduced to a skeleton staff, it’s beginning to get pretty easy to lose hope.

Thankfully, QUTLS President/New age religious figure Harry Jans decided to restore hope to the Law school today, by announcing he would attempt to ollie off the top of C-block building on Gardens Point campus and land a quadruple kickflip.

“I thought I’d try and land a christ air at first, but I thought it was a bit too on the nose” Mr Jans told the GSJ today. “Thank god I didn’t because I probably would’ve scorpioned some vertebrae.”

Hundreds of wide-eyed law school students, eager for an attempt to re-live some nostalgic glory days of playing Tony Hawks or Skate 3— or just an excuse to leave the library— bared glorious witness to Jans absolutely nailing the trick, first time. Cheered on as he was chased off-campus by QUT security guards, the students hugged, kissed and celebrated the historic event.

“I was just about to do my own trick off the top of C-block today” said Harry Bass, QUTLS secretary. “And by that, I mean a quadruple anxious vomit and cry over the side after getting my Capstone marks back.”

“But witnessing that quadruple kickflip has given me a renewed purpose and faith in God— and Harry Jans.”

Mr Jans was last seen lane filtering through traffic on his board at 300kph while necking a VB longneck. It’s reported that he has set his sights next on a McTwist off the top of the Cbus building. More to come.