by ANONYMOUS

The world is aghast, or would be, if it had heard the news through a more popular channel than the GSJ.

A certain self-professed ‘funny person’ has lost her phone at home and is currently unable to share every passing quip of ranging quality which passes through her head. Fear not, some reports have been made of smoke signals rising from the Brisbane CBD in an attempt to convey dire messages which cannot be missed.

The latest signal was decoded as an extremely lackluster pun of ‘this joke is going up in smoke lmao’. Other sources report a dip in activity in group chats. “Its not exactly a bad thing”, says Francis, a person close to the phoneless ‘funny person’, “not all her contributions to the group chats are even that good. I think she’s the only one that doesn’t have that doesn’t have them muted.”

We tried to source a comment from the unnamed ‘funny person’ but attempts to track her location wrongly suggest that she is at home. It’s entirely possible she’s wandering the wilderness, double-tapping trees and watching other people scroll through social media on public transport. Russell, a coworker, reports that the phoneless person has resorted to using her workplace’s chat software Webex. “It’s a bit fucking weird if I’m honest”, says Russell, “Webex is monitored by HR and she’s toeing the line with the memes being work-appropriate. I know the group chat’s we’re in can be a bit risqué, but I can’t be seen to endorse it.” “I’ve been giving thumbs up reacts only.”

She could not be reached for comment.