There’s only one topic that’s been dominating every campus conversation in the last 24 hours, and its the first cyclone to hit Brisbane since a time before anyone reading this was born. Dubbed Alfred or endearingly referred to as ‘Alfie’ by the instagram and tiktok accounts who have formed a parasocial relationship with it, the tropical cyclone is expected to be a direct hit after being paid off by Bob Katter to wipe out South East Queensland.

Most student conversations have focused on what people are going to do to batten down. While some are holing up with loved ones and others plan to assemble an enormous army to blow the cyclone back out to sea one student’s had another idea.

“Hey guys why don’t we just go to bot bar and ride out the whole thing there? They should still have $10 jugs right?”.

This thought bubble was hit with almost immediate ridicule on the basis that bot bar isn’t even open during summer semester, let alone during a category 2 cyclone. And secondly, unlike the Winchester Pub from the comedy cult classic Sean of the Dead, the Bot Bar isn’t an impenetrable fortress fit for enjoying cold beveraginos but instead a glass box that’s as fragile as my GPA.

The genius that came up with this idea had also failed to check their student emails 2 days into week 1 (retraction now week 2) which have said campus is going to be closed for the foreseeable future, or until its safe and profitable enough to open up to students again.

Stay safe out there! If you need info on how to do that check sources more reputable than this publication.

By Harry Bass