By Harry Bass

Sometimes a gamble doesn’t always pay off and for Bryce Forestfire that gamble was using chatgpt to write his LLB108 Analysis and Oral Presentation assignment. Besides churning through enough carbon-based energy to compete with Taylor Swift’s private jet, the AI riddled content has also drawn the ire of the Academic Misconduct Committee.

In an exclusive interview, Bryce broke down with our correspondent the unique chain of events that led to the blatantly stupid academic decision. “Yeah, I started off like every other first year thinking I’d grind really hard and get 6’s and 7’s for everything in the first year to set myself up in life but that mentality wore off even quicker than my will to live after entering law school. Also, my sisters’ boyfriends rottweiler took a bite out of my laptop which then fell into the pool, which then fell off a cliff cause it was at my dad’s beach house which has suffered catastrophic erosion from the unprecedented climate changed induced weather events we’re having.”

Unperturbed by our reporter’s bewilderment at this murphy’s law/pavlov’s dog-esque streak of bad luck Bryce continued.

“Especially this law and sustainability subject man, it was doing my head in. What does the law even have to do with sustainability anyway? I thought we get paid a tonne of money after graduating to help mining companies break the law not the other way around?”

On being asked if his family was ok during this freak accident Bryce replied “well the dog and my sister are both in a coma but, anyway as I was saying my laptops cooked after swimming in the Pacific Ocean so what else am I supposed to do? It’s two days until the deadline. So, I fed the entire assignment into chatgpt on one of the uni computers.”.

Bryce then described how at this point, the lights begun to flicker and steam erupted from the whole thing as the motherboard fried and the cpu buckled under the sheer amount of computing power needed to decode the LLB108 Analysis and Oral Presentation before spitting out a clunky, albeit adequate and academically illegal rationale for his submission.

“Anyways I’ve never been before one of these academic misconduct things is it pretty bad”. On being told that it was indeed PRETTY BAD and that his legal career was in the bin before he’d even had a chance to do QUTLS’s pub crawl Bryce replied. “Well at least my international business degree will get some use, that was my backup in case they caught me doing my side hustle that I have in the c block bathroom”. 

And on this equally wild left hook of a note our reporter left Bryce to sort his shit out. He also did not see the irony we pointed out in how terrible for the environment his quest to pass Law and Sustainability with no effort was.

No more to come.