By Alexander Curtis

DOZENS HELD CAPTIVE BY EXTREMIST EDUCATOR: We are coming to you live from what bystanders are calling an active hostage situation in level 3 of Z block.

The School of Law is reporting that during work on an exam style question in Jason Kruger’s 11am LLB102 tutorial, students were unable to name the fourth element of the false imprisonment tort. Following this, the tutor took matters into his own hands by providing a “practical demonstration”.

Eye-witnesses from outside the glass-walled room watched in horror as the dead-end 34 year old slid his strange podium/desk on wheels in front of the doorway to truly interfere with their liberty and restrain them in all directions. We do however note that aircon was left on because it’s Brisbane humidity and he’s “not a monster”.

“No one is leaving this room until someone can tell me the last element. You better believe I have lawful justification for doing this so good luck calling the cops on me you dipshit wannabe litigators!”

Despite passing all his psych evaluations during his QUT induction, it’s clear that the new Torts tutor has turned out to be a total nut-job. Not much is known about his prior history, other than the fact that he did his law degree at UQ. Our sources tell us that might be all you really need to know.

When asked by QUT Security what his demands were, Jason requested that his students do the required prep work for the classes that they pay almost $20,000 for annually.

With demands as unreasonable as that, its unclear if the hostages will be released anytime soon.

“Restriction of liberty is the only one that matters anyway: you can either get out or you can’t.” texted one victim from the inside. “I have a hot date at Merlo I’m supposed to be at right now.”

“I’m just glad he wasn’t teaching the elements of battery.” said another.

Other say that while archaic, the traumatic style of delivery has inspired them to review the textbooks and recordings for the tutorial questions instead of plugging them into ChatGPT.

While we can’t say just how much longer this standoff will continue, it can’t be too long before someone thinks to open the lecture slides for the answer.

More to come.