By Alexander Curtis

LOOK AT MY LAWYER DAWG, I’M GOING TO JAIL: After progressing to the semi-finals of the Junior Moot, first-year-hotshot Joshua Steels thought he was hot stuff. But as it turns out, the law library courtroom (R.I.P) wasn’t the only place he would end up dealing with the law.

After his tutorial ran late, the almost 19-year-old walked out to find a parking ticket on his shitty MG3. The fine totalled a more than half a day’s work at his job as a junior-executive-super-duper-legal-administrative research-assistant. However, instead of bending over backwards for Brisbane City Council, Steels knew there was only one thing to do.

In a statement to our reporter, the legal Einstein claimed that “It is my civic duty to challenge this outrageous and unconstitutional decision. I am left with no choice but to represent myself in our beautiful judicial system, as it is obviously the next step in my professional development as a future barrister”.

After crying “mistrial” following Council’s review process, he is set to appear in the Brisbane Magistrates Court next week. On what grounds? We do not know.

We reminded him that the legal fees for losing such a case would dwarf the original fine. In response, Steels asked what round of the Junior Moot our reporter got to, before waddling away in his Peter Jackson suit.

More to come.