By Alexander Curtis

Attendance at an 8:00am guest lecture in the week before last hit a semester-record-low of 12 students, with many beginning to recognise them as the ethically and morally charged filler episodes of the law degree.

After the Canvas notification dropped that the Week 6 content would not be taken by the usual lecturer, LLB veteran Paige Turner darted out of the library to return to her Bot Bar revelry, resting assured of tomorrow morning’s sleep in.

“Yeah I’ve been around long enough to know they never examine anything from guest speakers, and I have absolutely no interest in any further learning.” the 20-year-old said. “I’m sure I can take a gander in week 13 to check if there’s anything worth having in my notes”.

Unfortunately for chumps like Paige, and the GSJ Editor himself, it just so happened that the guest lecturer in question was an exam-season oracle.

“We got to the fourth slide and she said ‘this would make a great exam question,’” recounted one student. “We assumed she was taking the piss but it just kept going.”

Insiders report that by the end of the 90 minutes, students were able to copy down a ten page outline of likely exam questions and a verbatim script for the unit coordinator’s preferred version of ISSACs.

“It got to the point where she was just reading out a statement of law really slowly, multiple times.” another attendee confirmed.

The unprecedented information dump has triggered the launch of a cohort-wide trade operation, with those few attendees quickly assuming the role of black market merchants.

Graciously fitting us into his newly busy schedule of accepting bribes, our reporter was able to approach one of the ringleaders (who wished to remain anonymous for his safety) for comment.

“Honestly, I just forgot to check Canvas and I thought it was gonna be a usual lecture. I’d give everyone the answers, but I’ve got a GPA to maintain. Unfortunately someone needs to be on the other end of the bell curve.”

Law student Facebook groups and support pages are being flooded with desperate cries for help. Which week’s content is appearing on the exam? When are the notes getting dropped on Studocu? Why does every GSJ article seem to escalate to something so absurd?

No more to come.