By Alexander Curtis

As we come to the end of another gruelling semester, so too we come to another Let’s Get Rekt. Third-year law student Will Yuri-Ply is persevering yet again at trying to find “the love of his life” and “a partner to lead his law firm with”.

Last semester, his determined use of the ol’ faithful pickup line “I’m a future judge” landed him a record-breaking 18 rejections in 2 hours. This time, with an extra 0.2 on his GPA and another $8,000 in HECS debt, the hopeless romantic is trying to change it up.

While other party goers exchange Instagram handles, Will has now taken to something less confrontational for his fifth time round: business cards that tell a girl everything she needs to know.

“It’s revolutionary, really. I’ve got my name and GPA listed and then there’s a QR code on the back which takes them directly to my LinkedIn profile.” he said. “I can maximise consumer outreach by sliding them across tables and slipping them into pockets!”

Little does he know, women’s clothes don’t come with pockets.

“For some reason no one seems to see the potential in a young changemaker such as myself. It’s their loss anyway. I’m sure they’ll all come crawling back when they see me land my Big 6 clerkship. Ever heard of an Eagle Street Cowboy?”

Our correspondents spoke to one of his long time romantic casualties and this is what she had to say:

“Last time he bought me like five drinks… but if the margs keep getting me fucked up then who am I to say no? Best believe if he tries anything weird I’m bringing it up at his admission.”

Insiders suggest that Will is considering turning to the attractive (and humble) GSJ editor for advice on how to get some. But not even we know if he can be saved.

Will there be more to come? Will this creep get aired out on QUT Love Letters? Tune in next semester to find out.