By Alexander Curtis

WAR IN THE HALLS OF C BLOCK: A straight law uprising has made a dystopia out of QUT’s beloved law library.

Withstanding the test of time (and distasteful changes to opening hours), QUT’s heritage-listing-worthy law library has long served as the home ground of a grassroots territorial rivalry between LLB purists and those looking to call its open floor plan and nifty kitchenette home.

After years of tolerating outsiders gallivanting around study spots across both level 5 and 6, war has finally erupted following the end of moot room renovations. Greasy 3rd year student Sonny Straitlore has plunged the educational haven into mob rule in a bold move against “mud blood” double degree and non-law students.

Since rewatching all three Godfather films instead of studying his LLB350 ‘Law and Ethics of War’ content, the aspiring financial crimes solicitor has assembled a purist posse to restore order to C-block.

Since the start of semester, straight law elitists have been seen forcibly evicting students for a myriad of reasons, including “disturbance of  super-duper important moot preparations” and “intent to misplace pieces on the communal puzzle”.

“These no good multi-talented chumps are taking all the good charging outlets!” Sonny said. “I’m gonna make them an offer they can’t refuse.”

“If they’re here for the TV study booths, and not the LLB Help Me session, they can go for a swim in the Garden’s Point pool with some concrete filled RM Williams.”

When confronted about the rumours that he himself was doing a double degree in Economics before flunking out last year, Sonny yelled “Forgettabout it!” before fleeing the scene.

As a result of the chaos, HiQ has reported an unprecedent spike in double degree dropout rates across the board. Students who once aspired to dual qualifications for “improved employability” now fear retribution from those doing ‘just’ straight law.

However, the elitist revolution has not gone unopposed.

After passing a door frisk and quiz on the AGLC 4, our correspondent gained access to level 5, where they found 21-year-old Lucy Jobless hiding behind the brand spanking new moot court judge’s bench. “I pay my tuition. I’ve done real property law. I know I have a constitutional right to eat my Subway here”, whimpered the creative industries double student.

Lucy is just one of many who seek justice after their student lives have been turned upside down by this seemingly unstoppable revolution. Whether or not they will be successful, it is too early to say.