By Alexander Curtis

PLEASE SHUT UP: It’s Week 11. The unit coordinator has just spent the last week all over the Canvas discussion board stressing just how similar this week’s tutorial will be for the exam. Despite this, LLB108 tryhard Charlie Chatterbox opened his blank Notion document with the sole purpose of brainstorming the most irrelevant and convoluted hypotheticals he could imagine, all in an effort to make the tutor remember him as “one of the good ones”.

The time-wasting antics came to a head mere moments before the tutor was about to commence covering how to actually answer an exam question, when the 20-year-old on his third (and hopefully final) repeat of the unit stuck his hand up.

While witnesses could not recount to our reporters the entirety of the mammoth question, it allegedly began with “just out of curiosity, how would this relate to the emergence of AI?” followed by something to do with greenwashing, the 2032 Olympics, and our national defence capabilities in the event of a global conflict.

The unfortunate tutor made a myriad of attempts to shut it down, including “that’s too similar to the assignment” and the infamous “you’ll look at this more in your third year”.

Other students were decidedly less optimistic about the prospects of moving on.

“This is the only tutorial running after work” said mother of three Janice. “My kids could be going to Grammar but instead I’m paying to have this larper squander my two weekly contact hours!”

“Yeah, as soon Charlie opened his mouth we knew there was no way we were gonna do any more work.” another student said. “I’m just gonna go home and download the answers off Studocu.”

While we await comment from the perpetrator himself, it’s been three hours since class ended and Chazza is still inviting the tutor to his 21st. The class is now expected to finish this week’s content sometime in SWOTVAC.

Only hypotheticals to come.